He focuses on John then, holding his gaze. "I'd like that," he admits. "I'd like to leave something for you. Everyone handles loss differently; I didn't know if you'd be okay with that."

Talking about death, even his own, has been a normal part of his life for over a decade now, but he treads lightly with it here.

That and thinking about how he actually died is something that his mind just shies away from. He tries sometimes, but it floods him with an unfamiliar anxiety and he's still learning how to cope with that. But this? This he can do.