Which is perhaps not a great answer. He turns it a slightly different way: "The fear is back. I could've been retired for being a replicant taking advantage of a human from a position of authority. I don't know how to get back to that place, but I like thinking about what happened."
"Sweeting," K murmurs, turning his head, kissing his palm. "You're human."
Which doesn't mean anything to people from worlds where humans are the only creatures that have laws, that obey social structures in cities and systems.
"Any replicant caught out of line with any human has retirement to fear, if things go wrong, or just change."
It's like being tugged in two very different directions, hearing that endearment and how it always makes him anime, and what K is saying and what that means for them. For every possible way K can interpret things.
"But you are here," he points out, processing. "Which means you trust that things won't go that way with me."
In most respects, Jesus is a very trustworthy person. He's loyal, but he's honest; he'll tell you what he thinks, and what he wants, even if he knows it's unpopular.
But K is a different sort of friend. K is a friend he is more and more romantically involved with, and that's where Jesus tends to falter. But K trusts him.
K trusts him, with something that goes straight to the core of who K is.
He leans up and kisses him again, this time with so much emotion he can't even speak through it. So he kisses him to try to express even a tiny bit of the gratitude and the affection and the fierce determination he has to not let K down.
It could be overwhelming if K let it, honestly. What he can read like Jesus is shouting at him in the moments before he's kissing him again, the intensity pressing through the lines of him as they lean together, and the staggering relief of realizing that Jesus understands exactly what K is saying - the magnitude if not the details - are all almost just a bit too much.
But he stands under it regardless, hands resting lightly at the other man's hips, and he sinks into that kiss too, taking his time to take some comfort in being seen.
"Are we going to get in trouble if you stay tonight?" He murmurs, because it's a risk, it's near the end of the month and their free nights have surely been spent. But he wants K here. He wants to keep him close, as if that can make his promise more sturdy.
The memory of that night makes him smile, makes him steal another quick kiss, but it's almost an apology. "I'm...I'm pretty worn out from the festival, I don't think tonight will be anything like that night. I just want you close."
"Sex isn't even close to the reason I'd want to stay," he chuckles, smoothing hair back from Jesus's face - even if his smile quirks playful, too: "Although you're doing an excellent job of converting me."
He tips his head towards the couch anyway. "What can I do to help?"
"Good because I'm going to try to lure you over here for it sometime," he promises with a grin. He leads him to the couch where he sits with a sigh. He's sore from fighting in the last part of the fog, too.
"Help me take care of Nibbles? I need to get him out of his sweater for the night. He'll just sleep upstairs with us--he likes the blankets."
K starts to get back up in anticipation of needing to change water or put out food, but then he hears what Jesus wants him to do and he folds down to sit next to him, too.
"Nibbles," he calls, soft, with a gentle chuffing sound that brings the cat's ears up from a dead sleep. A few moments later he stretches to his feet and then comes trotting amicably over to investigate K's lap.
And K straightens out his sweater, smiling with simple, wordless pleasure as he rubs the cat's ears.
"He looks wa," is his final assessment. "Thank you for taking care of him. I had to leave Janus with Sara for now."
Nibbles is a friendly, responsive cat, but he reacts to K much faster than he ever does when Jesus calls him, and Jesus smiles to watch them.
"Janus?" He knows about Mango, but he's only been to K's place with Sara once. He doesn't recall any other furry little companions there; all the puppies had food names.
K doesn't look up from Nibbles for more than a moment, letting him sniff his hand and decide to rub against it in his own time. This is when he starts working out how best to pull the sweater off as asked.
"Did I not show you him?" He does glance up now. "He's going to turn into a butterfly."
Nibbles is growing used to the process of undressing and dressing, and butts his head against K's hands, tugging against him to help get the sweater off.
"No, you didn't," Jesus is smiling, his eyes warm. "You have a caterpillar for a pet?"
"He's in a cocoon now." K hesitates a moment, brow furrowing: "I don't actually know that Janus is a male, but the name could go both ways."
He shakes his head, smoothing down the fine, short hair that does actually cover Nibbles' skin to make sure it's not bothering him after the sweater. "I was told the cold might harm him, and that if I gave him a safe place to metamorphosize, he could be released when it's warm again. I have pictures."
"I want to see them." He's never considered having one as a pet. He's never considered having a pet at all until K asked him to watch over Nibbles, but 'caterpillar' wouldn't even feature on the imagined list.
At least not until he sees k talking about it, about the little bug he named.
K takes a moment to fold the sweater neatly and set it aside, also crooking his arm to give Nibbles a place to settle down, which he begins the process of immediately; it makes K smile even as he fishes out his phone and starts flipping through the gallery.
He's taken a lot of pictures. The vast majority of them are of plants and animals he's seen around Duplicity, with a whole series that he holds out to Jesus that shows a fuzzy, black and orange striped caterpillar working its way along a twig with autumn-colored grass and leaves in the background. He flips along until there's another series - over a dozen, from all different angles and lighting - of a pearlescent blue and teal chrysalis hanging from the same twig, but in a jar on a shelf now.
"I've never seen one before, not a real one. Amelia says he may not be the same colors when he comes out and probably won't, but she didn't know what kind he is."
"Sara promised to call me if the chrysalis starts to move - I'll call you too, if you want," K offers, then blinks up from where he was rubbing Nibbles' nose gently with his thumb when he realizes what Jesus has done.
"We just spent a lot of time together. You know. Before V -" His expression darkens for a moment, but then he shakes his head and holds his hand out for the phone back.
"I'd like that. I've never seen a brand new butterfly."
He kisses K lightly, as if to soothe the grief he knows is there--the grief he feels, too. And then he leans against K and takes a selfie of the three of them, and then he gives the phone back.
It was what K was going to do, so the pleasant surprise of it does shake the moment off exactly as Jesus had intended. He switches over to the gallery once he has the phone back, looking over the resulting picture, his smile settling subtle but deep as he leans his shoulder into Jesus.
"I'm sorry this place is the way that it is, but - I'm glad I get to know you, Jesus."
no subject
He reaches, too, to set his fingers along the back of Jesus's hand on his face.
"Are you okay with everything that happened during the festival?" Which is a slightly different question than are you okay.
no subject
no subject
Which is perhaps not a great answer. He turns it a slightly different way: "The fear is back. I could've been retired for being a replicant taking advantage of a human from a position of authority. I don't know how to get back to that place, but I like thinking about what happened."
no subject
no subject
Which doesn't mean anything to people from worlds where humans are the only creatures that have laws, that obey social structures in cities and systems.
"Any replicant caught out of line with any human has retirement to fear, if things go wrong, or just change."
no subject
"But you are here," he points out, processing. "Which means you trust that things won't go that way with me."
no subject
"I trust that if you want me here, you'll tell me, and if you don't, you'll tell me. I trust you."
Enough to follow him into a contracting process that he doesn't trust at all.
no subject
But K is a different sort of friend. K is a friend he is more and more romantically involved with, and that's where Jesus tends to falter. But K trusts him.
K trusts him, with something that goes straight to the core of who K is.
He leans up and kisses him again, this time with so much emotion he can't even speak through it. So he kisses him to try to express even a tiny bit of the gratitude and the affection and the fierce determination he has to not let K down.
no subject
But he stands under it regardless, hands resting lightly at the other man's hips, and he sinks into that kiss too, taking his time to take some comfort in being seen.
"Thank you," he murmurs, staying close.
no subject
no subject
"I stayed with Sara all month. Just the one other night with you."
no subject
no subject
He tips his head towards the couch anyway. "What can I do to help?"
no subject
"Help me take care of Nibbles? I need to get him out of his sweater for the night. He'll just sleep upstairs with us--he likes the blankets."
no subject
"Nibbles," he calls, soft, with a gentle chuffing sound that brings the cat's ears up from a dead sleep. A few moments later he stretches to his feet and then comes trotting amicably over to investigate K's lap.
And K straightens out his sweater, smiling with simple, wordless pleasure as he rubs the cat's ears.
"He looks wa," is his final assessment. "Thank you for taking care of him. I had to leave Janus with Sara for now."
no subject
"Janus?" He knows about Mango, but he's only been to K's place with Sara once. He doesn't recall any other furry little companions there; all the puppies had food names.
That was supposed to be warm
"Did I not show you him?" He does glance up now. "He's going to turn into a butterfly."
OMG FINALLY a chance to tag
"No, you didn't," Jesus is smiling, his eyes warm. "You have a caterpillar for a pet?"
Just in time for notifs to come back!
He shakes his head, smoothing down the fine, short hair that does actually cover Nibbles' skin to make sure it's not bothering him after the sweater. "I was told the cold might harm him, and that if I gave him a safe place to metamorphosize, he could be released when it's warm again. I have pictures."
no subject
At least not until he sees k talking about it, about the little bug he named.
no subject
He's taken a lot of pictures. The vast majority of them are of plants and animals he's seen around Duplicity, with a whole series that he holds out to Jesus that shows a fuzzy, black and orange striped caterpillar working its way along a twig with autumn-colored grass and leaves in the background. He flips along until there's another series - over a dozen, from all different angles and lighting - of a pearlescent blue and teal chrysalis hanging from the same twig, but in a jar on a shelf now.
"I've never seen one before, not a real one. Amelia says he may not be the same colors when he comes out and probably won't, but she didn't know what kind he is."
no subject
He turns the camera on and takes a picture of Nibbles nestled there against K. "That cat loves you."
no subject
"We just spent a lot of time together. You know. Before V -" His expression darkens for a moment, but then he shakes his head and holds his hand out for the phone back.
no subject
He kisses K lightly, as if to soothe the grief he knows is there--the grief he feels, too. And then he leans against K and takes a selfie of the three of them, and then he gives the phone back.
no subject
"I'm sorry this place is the way that it is, but - I'm glad I get to know you, Jesus."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)