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[hippie_ninja]

This is Jesus. Leave a message.

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[fireshow]

Depends on my mood.

[ He tries to shrug it off with a soft laugh, but it's also the truth. ]

I just feel like a lot of stuff is pointless. That staying alive is as good as it gets.

[hippie_ninja]

[For nearly everyone Jesus knows, it is. He's always strived for more, though.]

What's a good day look like for you? Not an average day, a good one.

[fireshow]

I don't know.

[ Tilting his head some, he gives a shrug of a shoulder. ]

I try not to have those actually. Good things. Because it sucks when they eventually end up leaving. Or whatever.

[hippie_ninja]

[Another little nod.]

That must make it hard to enjoy them when they do come along, though.

[fireshow]

Or maybe I'm just a really fucked up person who can't deal in the same way others can.

[ He shrugs as he looks over to Jesus. ]

Fire's known to be destructive after all.

[hippie_ninja]

The way you're dealing makes sense to me. Even the destructive parts. You would have fit in fine in my world.

Besides. You didn't have to do this [the room] for me but you did.

[fireshow]

[ Letting his gaze linger on the other man, he looks away then, face scrunched up some. ]

Yeah, well.

[ Choosing not to finish that, he looks over to the fiery cat who sits there on Jesus' lap, hand held out to gesture for the cat to come over. When it does, fiery little paw touching his palm, it collapses into flame which John curls into his palm and puts out. Extinguishing it. ]

[hippie_ninja]

People have all kinds of advice on how to survive. Whatever you need to do to keep going, I understand.

[If it means he doesn't let Jesus get too close. If it means he needs to run, sometimes. If it means they get nights like this where they suck each other off or trade books.]

[fireshow]

And how do you survive?

[ He asks, genuinely. For once not flippantly. ]

[hippie_ninja]

I make friends. But I don't let myself forget how people are limited.

[He loves people. He just keeps his distance from them, holds them at just enough of a distance he can enjoy them without risking anything.]

[fireshow]

Sometimes it's just easier that way.

[ He's dealt with the loss of someone he loved here. Something he told himself he wouldn't do in a place like this. ]

[hippie_ninja]

Sometimes it is. [It's why Jesus does it.]

Sometimes it's not the best option, though.

[fireshow]

Says who?

[ What is healthy and what isn't in a place like this after all? ]

[hippie_ninja]

Reality. [He shrugs] There's no solution that works in every scenario. Survival is about adapting strategies to fit the situation. I'd be dead if I hadn't let myself get close to one person; I'd be alive if I'd kept my distance from another.

[fireshow]

[ He remembers Jesus telling him about his death — that he'd died back in his world and so, being here, this is pretty much all he has left. He has nothing to go back to. ]

Well. Least if you die here, you come back, so.

[ He shrugs, looking down to the bed. ]

[hippie_ninja]

That doesn't seem like it comforts you.

[It doesn't comfort Jesus, but he's not sure how to articulate why. There are a lot of reasons.]

[fireshow]

It is what it is. Least it's not permanent? I don't know.

[ He shrugs, fingers twisting in the sheets a little. ]

[hippie_ninja]

What was it like?

[He has no doubt now that John has died here, and that it wasn't good, it wasn't easy, it's not done yet.]

[fireshow]

[ There's a visible sort of freezing up that John does when he's asked that, but it's brief enough to maybe pass off as not being noticeable. Maybe. ]

I don't know? Lots of people die here, so ask one of them? Sure you'll get someone going on about it.

[hippie_ninja]

[He's not buying it.]

My friend died here. But he brushed it off. He's just glad to be alive.

I'm not sure I'd handle it the same way.

[fireshow]

I guess cause it's different here? Like I said, not permanent. So does it even matter?

[ It shouldn't. Right? ]

[hippie_ninja]

My death at home didn't take.

[So it shouldn't matter. He should be able to just accept it and move on. Carver has. And he believes Carver has the right attitude.

But.]

It's still effecting me.

[fireshow]

Because you know you have nothing to go back to if you leave here?

[ For a guess at least. ]

[hippie_ninja]

I don't know.

[He tries to smile. It doesn't take.]

I wish I knew. Maybe I could put it to rest if I did.

[fireshow]

[ John's not always the greatest at these things, but. When Jesus' smile falters, he flicks a sliver of flame from his ring and tosses it at the other man, letting it wrap around him, a warm crackle of flame. ]

You're here now, right? That counts for something?