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[hippie_ninja]

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[hippie_ninja]

I make friends. But I don't let myself forget how people are limited.

[He loves people. He just keeps his distance from them, holds them at just enough of a distance he can enjoy them without risking anything.]

[fireshow]

Sometimes it's just easier that way.

[ He's dealt with the loss of someone he loved here. Something he told himself he wouldn't do in a place like this. ]

[hippie_ninja]

Sometimes it is. [It's why Jesus does it.]

Sometimes it's not the best option, though.

[fireshow]

Says who?

[ What is healthy and what isn't in a place like this after all? ]

[hippie_ninja]

Reality. [He shrugs] There's no solution that works in every scenario. Survival is about adapting strategies to fit the situation. I'd be dead if I hadn't let myself get close to one person; I'd be alive if I'd kept my distance from another.

[fireshow]

[ He remembers Jesus telling him about his death — that he'd died back in his world and so, being here, this is pretty much all he has left. He has nothing to go back to. ]

Well. Least if you die here, you come back, so.

[ He shrugs, looking down to the bed. ]

[hippie_ninja]

That doesn't seem like it comforts you.

[It doesn't comfort Jesus, but he's not sure how to articulate why. There are a lot of reasons.]

[fireshow]

It is what it is. Least it's not permanent? I don't know.

[ He shrugs, fingers twisting in the sheets a little. ]

[hippie_ninja]

What was it like?

[He has no doubt now that John has died here, and that it wasn't good, it wasn't easy, it's not done yet.]

[fireshow]

[ There's a visible sort of freezing up that John does when he's asked that, but it's brief enough to maybe pass off as not being noticeable. Maybe. ]

I don't know? Lots of people die here, so ask one of them? Sure you'll get someone going on about it.

[hippie_ninja]

[He's not buying it.]

My friend died here. But he brushed it off. He's just glad to be alive.

I'm not sure I'd handle it the same way.

[fireshow]

I guess cause it's different here? Like I said, not permanent. So does it even matter?

[ It shouldn't. Right? ]

[hippie_ninja]

My death at home didn't take.

[So it shouldn't matter. He should be able to just accept it and move on. Carver has. And he believes Carver has the right attitude.

But.]

It's still effecting me.

[fireshow]

Because you know you have nothing to go back to if you leave here?

[ For a guess at least. ]

[hippie_ninja]

I don't know.

[He tries to smile. It doesn't take.]

I wish I knew. Maybe I could put it to rest if I did.

[fireshow]

[ John's not always the greatest at these things, but. When Jesus' smile falters, he flicks a sliver of flame from his ring and tosses it at the other man, letting it wrap around him, a warm crackle of flame. ]

You're here now, right? That counts for something?

[hippie_ninja]

[He smiles and this time it doesn't flicker]

It does.

And today was a good day. I think I can let it be a good night, too.

[fireshow]

[ Smiling a little himself, he lets the fire slide around the other man's shoulders and neck and fall down to roll around in Jesus' hands as a ball.

After a moment, he looks down to the sheets, licking over his lips. Apprehensive, almost. ]

There are these things called... sentinels. They're... giant robots. [ He pauses, takes a moment. ] They hunt my kind. Mutants. People made them to kill us.

[ Again, he takes another moment. ]

One just... showed up here. Again. I mean— when I first got here, not long after, a couple did and just disappeared, but. One showed up again last month.

[hippie_ninja]

[Last month. The same month a monstrous version of a walker showed up; the same month very real horrors showed up and hurt people. Killed some.]

It came after you.

[fireshow]

[ For a moment, he's quiet — let's himself swallow before he looks over, just barely, to the fire still there wrapped around Jesus as if it were a warm jacket. ]

Yeah.

[ It takes him a little longer than it should for him to say that — to admit that and he ducks his head as he pulls the fire off Jesus, not confident in himself to not accidentally burn him since unstable emotions can make him lose control and focus on the fire. ]

I never really... got over the last time they were here. Even if it was over a year ago. You just... don't forget that. How it felt.

[hippie_ninja]

[He watches John's hands rather than stare at him]

What happened?

[fireshow]

[ This is hard because of how much he's suppressed this — how much he's shrugged it off or turned it around back to the other trying to get him to talk about this. To be killed — to be murdered by the very thing humans made to do just that to you and your kind... it's horrific and it's probably the worst way he could have gone here. For him.

Face scrunched up, he stares down to the bed. ]

I uh... hid a lot. But it somehow always found me.

[hippie_ninja]

"Whatever happened last month, it was designed that way. None of us could escape," he says softly, both trying to reassure and trying to prompt him to keep talking.

[fireshow]

Admitting this isn't anything he wants to do — he's been avoiding it and dodging it every time someone has tried to get him to talk about it... sometimes even getting angry about it. But he's been sitting on it for a month now. Busied himself with checking in on others, being there for them... things he doesn't normally do or have much emotional bandwidth for.

Dragging his teeth over his bottom lip, he stares to the bed still, conflicted with himself.

"Being killed by something like that... something that people made because they'd rather see me dead than try and live with me or someone like me." Mutants, he means. A shake of his head, he looks off, away from Jesus. "That's fucked up."

[hippie_ninja]

"And seeing it here... It must make it seem like this place really isn't so different from home." He leans gently against him.