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[hippie_ninja]

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[hippie_ninja]

"It just doesn't come anymore." He looks down at his drawing, then back at John. "A few years ago I helped pick the leader of Hilltop. I helped stage a coup that put her in charge, because I believed in her vision. I still do. Most of it. Her husband was...brutally murdered in front of her, and the man who did it probably should have been killed. But instead he got life in a cage. She decided because of that, the Hilltop would be more aggressive."

There's so much history there that he's skimming over and he's not sure how to put it all into words.

"I was second in command. The original vision was one of democracy; let the people shape the laws. But when the former leader tried to have her killed, she eventually hanged him without talking to anyone. The thing is- I spoke to him before it happened. I believe he changed. He could have become a good man if we'd given him the chance. But I stood there and I watched him plead for his life, and I watched Maggie hang him and I wanted to cry. Not just for him, but because I knew she was making decisions that were going to make her just like the man she hates. I was watching my closest friend turn into someone I would eventually have to fight. But, John, I just stood there and watched and I felt all of it and I just couldn't cry, couldn't fight, couldn't argue. It's been like that ever since."

[fireshow]

He doesn't know how far along Jesus is in the sketch he's been doing, but. After he goes and tells him all that — after he confesses, in a way, a part of his life that he's had to live and that's no doubt been difficult for him, he sits himself up on the couch and leaves it for him.

Crouching down there in front of him, strands of hair falling in front of his face, he reaches out and, so very softly, takes one of the other man's hands into his own. Holding it. Looking up to him as he does.

"Do you want to cry?" As before, the way he asks, is soft.

[hippie_ninja]

"Not for that." Not anymore. Like he said: it just doesn't come anymore. He absorbs the blows as they happen, and he keeps going, sticking to the philosophy that has let him keep his heart when everyone else around him became jaded.

But. There is one thing that claws at him, that he can't bring himself to think too hard about. It creeps up and he shuts it down, holds John's hand a little tighter. "I don't know how to deal with the fact I died, John."

[fireshow]

When Jesus holds tighter to his hand, he lets him and even brings his other hand up to cover over the other man's entirely. He stays there — crouched — looking up to him and just being there with him. Right here. Right now. Like this.

"I think it's just easier to pretend it never happened. Even if you remember it — remember bits of it." It's what he's done with his own so-called death here, but. It's different when you apparently come back to life in this place. Where Jesus comes from — where he himself comes from? Death is a little more permanent and not exactly temporary.

A brush of his thumb over that ring he wears, a small spark ignites and he wraps a crackling flame around their hands and along Jesus' wrist, warm and soft to the touch. "You're here right now. In this apartment. Drawing some masterpiece of a sketch of me." Smile just barely there on his lips, he watches Jesus, still keeping that warm flame around their hands and wrists. "Wherever here is, you're here. And I'm here with you."

[hippie_ninja]

He exhales and his breath is shaky. His head bows slightly and he focuses on the fire resting on his skin, warm and welcome.

"Can you stay tonight?" It feels like such a big ask.

[fireshow]

Smile still just barely there, he nods slowly, letting the pad of his thumb brush over the back of Jesus' hand, fire still warm and almost protective in how it's wrapped around him. "Yeah," a tilt of his head. "Only if you're not sick of me yet."

[hippie_ninja]

He leans forward and kisses him, and then keeps kissing him. "Mmno. Not yet."

[fireshow]

He returns each and every one of those kisses he's given with just as much warmth as the fire wrapped around their wrists and hands. Nosing at Jesus then, he brings one of his hands up and cradles the side of the man's face, thumb stroking across a cheek as he looks to him from his still crouched spot. "Let me take care of you," he murmurs. "You're always taking care of others. I think people forget you need it just as much as anyone else does."

[hippie_ninja]

It's been years--more than twelve, more years than the apocalypse--since anyone has offered that, and he isn't sure he knows how to let that happen anymore but he nods, looking at John, turns his head and kisses John's wrist. Okay.

[fireshow]

John's not entirely sure how to do it himself, but. It doesn't mean he won't try. Smile there faint on his lips, he nods again himself, then raises his brows. "That doesn't mean I'm gonna be wearing some sexy nurse outfit while I do," a beat. "Unless you want me to. But even then. Maybe you'll get that for Christmas if you're good."

[hippie_ninja]

"I could live with that as a sight," he teases, pulling John closer, wanting him on his lap. "What do you want for Christmas?"

[fireshow]

At the pull, he follows and he settles there on the man's lap as silently wanted. When the question is asked, he simply shakes his head. "Nothing anyone can give me and it's probably for the best anyways." That they're gone. No longer here. "What do you want?"

[hippie_ninja]

"I'm bad at wanting things." He gets things for himself if he wants them. "Wouldn't turn down you in a Santa hat, though."

[fireshow]

Tilt of his head, he gives a quizzical expression. "Now... is that just in a Santa hat or?" Very important information, of course.

[hippie_ninja]

His smile turns sly. "Dealer's choice. I like stripping you down but...if I came home and you were just there, on my bed or my couch, wearing just the hat..."

[fireshow]

"Might have to leave a window cracked so I can crawl in then." He laughs a little, tilting his head the other way. "Don't really wanna burn the door down to get in."

[hippie_ninja]

"I could leave you some lock picks," he grins. "You've used those before, right?"

[fireshow]

"No," he murmurs that against Jesus' lips, smiling as he does. "I usually just burn my way into where I wanna go."

[hippie_ninja]

"I can teach you. It can be like your key to my place," he murmurs, and kisses him soundly.

[fireshow]

Unable to help himself, he laughs there against those lips, muffled as it is what with the kiss and all. "Yeah?" Mumbled a little, he brings both hands up and holds Jesus' face there, softly nipping at his bottom lip. "That's real sweet of you, baby."

[hippie_ninja]

"Yeah?" There's an urge in him to share everything he has with his people, with those he feels close to, and this satisfies that. "Maybe I just like the idea of making you a thief like me."

[fireshow]

"Trying to be a bad influence on me, huh?" Another nip to that bottom lip, he pulls back a little to look to Jesus better, hands slipping down to hold each side of his neck instead. "What's one thing you wanna do before the year's over here?"

[hippie_ninja]

"I haven't thought about it. Maybe more time to draw. To plan the farm." His hands are around John's waist. "What about you? Give me ideas."

[fireshow]

"I don't know," it's soft and honest, a slight shift there on the other man's lap as those arms go around his waist. "I feel like there's been more bad than good this year. So... maybe to have it end on a good note. Might be nice."

[hippie_ninja]

"Tell me what feels good to you, then." As he starts kissing John's neck.