If you ask me, you're ahead of the curve. It took me months to admit it to anybody... here it's weirdly common, but that doesn't make it easier to talk about.
[ Some people are really open about it, but Drake isn't one of them. He wonders about the ones who are, if they're actually fine with it or just think that if they act like they are then real acceptance will follow. That's definitely not how it went for him.
Which is kind of an important thing to mention, he thinks. ]
Just because you're alive here doesn't mean you won't have to grieve, either. For the life you're not going back to. I know I did.
[He can admit that some of this is a conscious act.] Denial is a survival skill sometimes. I can't let myself grieve yet. [He doesn't know if he can recover from that.] Not until I know what I'm doing here.
[ Drake considers that. He doesn't agree about denial being good, but he needed a purpose first too. Before he began to accept his death, before he even admitted it to anyone, he'd needed to find his place in Hadriel. So Jesus gets a nod of understanding. ]
Yeah... even if you've packed everything up, you need to know where you're moving into before you start moving out. One step at a time. But you know. Emotionally.
[ He offers Jesus what he hopes is an encouraging smile, nodding towards his meal. ]
[Offering food is, in every culture, a significant thing. For him, where people sometimes starved to death, it's never going to be a small gesture again.
But what actually gets him, makes him have to compose himself, is the way Drake puts it. It is, in every syllable, exactly the right way to put it to Paul Rovia and he thinks when he was younger it would have scared him. He's old enough and battleweary enough that it just chokes him up a little, which is more embarrassing.]
Thank you.
[He swallows. Steadier now.] I think I see why he wanted us to meet.
[ That gets a curious head tilt, because Drake really isn't sure what he means by that. It can't just be that he's been through the accepting death thing, because so has Crais... but he's not about to push Jesus to articulate it right now, either. He's just grateful he could help a little. ]
Yeah? I'm glad he did.
[ Drake and Crais don't always get each other, but there's trust there now. Crais has good instincts and this was no exception -- he really likes Jesus so far. ]
I'm honored to be the one, then. [He's joking but it is intriguing. Crais is still a bit of a mystery, but he's using his networking powers for good, which is always a relief.]
I told him I'd try to stay out of trouble. He made it seem like that's not the route most people take.
It says something good about both of us. He knows I'm trustworthy, and could tell you're someone I'd consider contracting with. The only time I've had multiple subs was before my partner was comfortable signing with me -- a friend of mine needed a dom too. They wound up overlapping for awhile.
[ The comment about people staying out of trouble gets a soft laugh from Drake. ]
Jesus, you have no idea. I mean... I usually stay out of trouble, but it's not for my own sake and sometimes I'm just not willing to fall in line. But yeah the scale goes from that to like. Total chaos incarnate.
Honestly? It doesn't change shit. I've been here like a year and a half and things pretty much are how they are. Apparently years back there was a power shake-up but I don't think we had much to do with it... and the guy who told me about it said things were better for subs before.
[ Drake shrugs. ]
The old timers don't bother causing trouble anymore, not after seeing every attempt at rebellion squashed. You know? The newer people are, the more fight they've got in them. I kinda pick my battles, keep it small scale. But I'm also just a guy these days.
[ There are lots of superheroes around, people more resilient. And more willing to take risks, for whatever reason. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 04:56 am (UTC)[ Some people are really open about it, but Drake isn't one of them. He wonders about the ones who are, if they're actually fine with it or just think that if they act like they are then real acceptance will follow. That's definitely not how it went for him.
Which is kind of an important thing to mention, he thinks. ]
Just because you're alive here doesn't mean you won't have to grieve, either. For the life you're not going back to. I know I did.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 04:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:12 am (UTC)Yeah... even if you've packed everything up, you need to know where you're moving into before you start moving out. One step at a time. But you know. Emotionally.
[ He offers Jesus what he hopes is an encouraging smile, nodding towards his meal. ]
Today's step can be this.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:18 am (UTC)But what actually gets him, makes him have to compose himself, is the way Drake puts it. It is, in every syllable, exactly the right way to put it to Paul Rovia and he thinks when he was younger it would have scared him. He's old enough and battleweary enough that it just chokes him up a little, which is more embarrassing.]
Thank you.
[He swallows. Steadier now.] I think I see why he wanted us to meet.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:34 am (UTC)Yeah? I'm glad he did.
[ Drake and Crais don't always get each other, but there's trust there now. Crais has good instincts and this was no exception -- he really likes Jesus so far. ]
You ever need something, you can hit me up.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:50 am (UTC)How often do you two team up to help out the new kids?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:58 am (UTC)[ He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head. This might be the first time one of them has pointed a total newbie at the other. ]
We've teamed up to work through stuff with people we both know, but this is a little different. It might mean I've finally made his list?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-12 01:43 am (UTC)I told him I'd try to stay out of trouble. He made it seem like that's not the route most people take.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-13 12:53 am (UTC)[ The comment about people staying out of trouble gets a soft laugh from Drake. ]
Jesus, you have no idea. I mean... I usually stay out of trouble, but it's not for my own sake and sometimes I'm just not willing to fall in line. But yeah the scale goes from that to like. Total chaos incarnate.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-14 09:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-22 03:54 pm (UTC)[ Drake shrugs. ]
The old timers don't bother causing trouble anymore, not after seeing every attempt at rebellion squashed. You know? The newer people are, the more fight they've got in them. I kinda pick my battles, keep it small scale. But I'm also just a guy these days.
[ There are lots of superheroes around, people more resilient. And more willing to take risks, for whatever reason. ]