[ Drake wasn't expecting that, but the surprise is momentary and he manages to slide off his stool before it can tip. They're high enough that the fact Jesus is still sitting closes the gap between them a bit -- it's all too easy to hide his face in the curve of Jesus' neck as the smaller man pulls him in.
That gentle understanding is overwhelming, frankly. Drake finally reclaims his hand so that he can wrap both arms around Jesus' waist, focusing on keeping his breathing steady despite that he can feel himself choking up.
Pull your shit together, Drake scolds himself, not even sure what he's so afraid of here. Jesus is proving to be nearly impossible to scare off, and that's starting to feel... dangerous. Is this how Ephemera felt at first, crippled by grief and faced with someone refusing to give up on him no matter how much of a mess he was? You can't put all this on him. And you can't fall for him. The fuck are you gonna do if he leaves? ]
[ It's not okay, though. As much as he appreciates that Jesus is so accepting of him being a mess... he'd really rather not be in the first place. The irony here isn't lost on Drake either. With how many people he's guided through their grief, you'd think he'd be better with his own than this. Than spiraling into self destruction and wishing he could just skip to acceptance already. He knows he can't, even if it wouldn't be disrespectful. But this sucks. He's never grieved anyone else before -- only himself, which was very different from this.
At least he doesn't cry this time. Just leans against Jesus quietly, tiredly, accepting the comfort. ]
[He's off for the next couple of days, so it really is an open offer. And with how worried he is about Drake, it's a relief to have it asked of him even though he would have gently tried to insist otherwise.]
[ Does he? How long is a long time? Because Drake's pretty damn sure even now he won't be the one to tell Jesus to leave, but being this needy would drive anyone away. Wouldn't it?
For the time being he's just going to accept the statement because he's too tired to keep worrying. His fingers curl back into Jesus' shirt. ]
You know, I thought if this worked and you guys wound up clicking I might finally buy some property. Nothing fancy, and you wouldn't have to move in, but it'd be there.
[ Now Drake doesn't see himself ever leaving this apartment. Not without Ephemera around to paint the walls of someplace new. Maybe that'll change, maybe it won't. He can't think about the future further than a day or two, at this point. ]
[Who can say how Drake will feel as time goes on? For now, Jesus understands him being reluctant to leave.]
I'm buying some land with Rosita. Well, helping how I can without getting into trouble. We're going to grow vegetables, try to become more self-sufficient.
[ That sounds nice for them, Drake thinks to himself. But he's not welcome. Even if Rosita liked him, he couldn't stay there. He shakes his head against Jesus' shoulder. ]
I'm not. That's illegal, babe. We'd both get cited if I ever got caught staying over... it's okay.
Don't be. I might not know everything you're up to, but I doubt I'd disagree with any of it. You think something's worth doing, we'll deal with the consequences if you get caught. Okay?
[ It's not like Drake's been a model citizen either. He has a very high bar for what's worth the risk to his partners, but the line does exist. And as careful as he also is for their sake -- or just Jesus' sake now -- he might get caught someday too. They both knew what they were getting into, signing with each other. ]
...thanks, though. It's nice knowing that if it was up to you I'd be welcome there.
[It's a dangerous thing to say, maybe. He doesn't really want people to know how often he thinks about this place falling like his world did. He doesn't really want people knowing how convinced he is that it will, and how he feels best when he's preparing for that.]
Okay? I don't care what the laws say, I still want you around.
[ Wait, what? That finally gets Drake to lift his head and look at Jesus again, not sure what he's getting at but knowing it's important. And whatever disaster it is the other man is preparing for, Drake knows what it means to be on somebody's list. Only so many people can fit in the bunker, so to speak. ]
If this place goes to hell, I'm pretty sure citations will be the last of our worries. You're sure?
[ It's an immediate answer, because that shouldn't even be a question. Jesus is putting up with an awful lot lately, supporting him. Too much, maybe, but that isn't Drake's call to make. And you don't do this sort of thing for someone you don't care about.
Saying 'I want you with me if the apocalypse hits' is just... different. ]
The kind of place you're talking about can only support so many people, that's all.
[ Again, even if Drake doesn't really agree... he's not about to argue it. He can't argue that Jesus wants him there, so all there is to be is grateful. And useful. He can pull his weight, prove to whoever else needs to be convinced that Jesus is right and he's worth having around. Maybe prove it to himself.
Unless someone else needs the spot. Drake knows himself, and that he'd give it up without a second thought if nobody tried to stop him.
He doesn't really know what to do with that, either. Or the ache in his chest that's come back at hearing Jesus say these things. The smile he offers the other man is wobbly in an overwhelmed way, and he lifts a hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Jesus' ear. ]
[ Jesus pulling out the tube earns him a raised eyebrow, even after he explains. ]
You thought ahead to bring that?
[ It's asked fondly, though, and Drake's smile has stopped wavering. He leans in again to bump their foreheads together affectionately, just for a moment... then pulls back and tips his head towards the bedroom. ]
He reaches out, hand taking Drake's to tug him back and kiss him fondly before he lets him go. "I've had this plan...a while." But then the festival happened and he hadn't seen Drake.
Drake's not about to say no to the kiss either, though it does make him even more curious what Jesus has in mind. Especially when he uses the word plan.
"You've had a plan?" He's still feeling raw and unsteady, but this turn of events is already lightening the mood a bit. "Come on, then. Only one way for me to find out, right?"
Back to the bedroom they go, and Drake pulls his shirt off on the way to the bed and sets it on the dresser. Then lies down on his stomach, folding his arms and resting his head on them to glance back at Jesus. Is this what he meant?
It is, and Jesus straddles his hips, careful not to rest his full weight on him. He just wants Drake relaxed; that's the extent of the plan so far.
"I took a massage class once," he explains, warming the lotion in his hands before he starts smoothing it over the muscles of Drake's back. "But, obviously, there wasn't much use for it. Now there is."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Drake murmurs, closing his eyes and trying to preemptively convince his body to release some of the tension coiled in his shoulders. "There's always use for making somebody feel better. Didn't I tell you how I learned?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-18 04:56 am (UTC)I would never expect you to not hurt just so I could be around you. I don't expect you to not miss him.
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Date: 2022-12-18 05:35 am (UTC)That gentle understanding is overwhelming, frankly. Drake finally reclaims his hand so that he can wrap both arms around Jesus' waist, focusing on keeping his breathing steady despite that he can feel himself choking up.
Pull your shit together, Drake scolds himself, not even sure what he's so afraid of here. Jesus is proving to be nearly impossible to scare off, and that's starting to feel... dangerous. Is this how Ephemera felt at first, crippled by grief and faced with someone refusing to give up on him no matter how much of a mess he was? You can't put all this on him. And you can't fall for him. The fuck are you gonna do if he leaves? ]
...I know. It's just too much sometimes.
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Date: 2022-12-18 06:55 pm (UTC)[For it to be too much. He just holds him, tucking his chin over Drake's head to hold him still closer, just hurting for him.]
It can be too much right now.
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Date: 2022-12-18 07:14 pm (UTC)At least he doesn't cry this time. Just leans against Jesus quietly, tiredly, accepting the comfort. ]
Would you stay awhile?
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Date: 2022-12-18 07:19 pm (UTC)[He's off for the next couple of days, so it really is an open offer. And with how worried he is about Drake, it's a relief to have it asked of him even though he would have gently tried to insist otherwise.]
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Date: 2022-12-18 08:00 pm (UTC)...you don't mean that.
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Date: 2022-12-18 08:02 pm (UTC)Then I want to stay for a long time.
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Date: 2022-12-18 08:30 pm (UTC)For the time being he's just going to accept the statement because he's too tired to keep worrying. His fingers curl back into Jesus' shirt. ]
You know, I thought if this worked and you guys wound up clicking I might finally buy some property. Nothing fancy, and you wouldn't have to move in, but it'd be there.
[ Now Drake doesn't see himself ever leaving this apartment. Not without Ephemera around to paint the walls of someplace new. Maybe that'll change, maybe it won't. He can't think about the future further than a day or two, at this point. ]
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Date: 2022-12-18 08:38 pm (UTC)I'm buying some land with Rosita. Well, helping how I can without getting into trouble. We're going to grow vegetables, try to become more self-sufficient.
You're welcome there whenever you want.
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Date: 2022-12-18 08:47 pm (UTC)I'm not. That's illegal, babe. We'd both get cited if I ever got caught staying over... it's okay.
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Date: 2022-12-18 08:55 pm (UTC)[But he is going to, sooner or later. He's being very careful not to get caught, but no one wins every time.]
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Date: 2022-12-18 09:12 pm (UTC)[ It's not like Drake's been a model citizen either. He has a very high bar for what's worth the risk to his partners, but the line does exist. And as careful as he also is for their sake -- or just Jesus' sake now -- he might get caught someday too. They both knew what they were getting into, signing with each other. ]
...thanks, though. It's nice knowing that if it was up to you I'd be welcome there.
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Date: 2022-12-19 12:17 am (UTC)[It's a dangerous thing to say, maybe. He doesn't really want people to know how often he thinks about this place falling like his world did. He doesn't really want people knowing how convinced he is that it will, and how he feels best when he's preparing for that.]
Okay? I don't care what the laws say, I still want you around.
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Date: 2022-12-19 12:27 am (UTC)If this place goes to hell, I'm pretty sure citations will be the last of our worries. You're sure?
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Date: 2022-12-19 12:43 am (UTC)[He tips his head back to look down at Drake]
You know I care about you, don't you?
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Date: 2022-12-19 01:05 am (UTC)[ It's an immediate answer, because that shouldn't even be a question. Jesus is putting up with an awful lot lately, supporting him. Too much, maybe, but that isn't Drake's call to make. And you don't do this sort of thing for someone you don't care about.
Saying 'I want you with me if the apocalypse hits' is just... different. ]
The kind of place you're talking about can only support so many people, that's all.
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Date: 2022-12-19 01:26 am (UTC)[He's acutely aware of how far rations go]
You're worth having along, Drake.
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Date: 2022-12-19 01:50 am (UTC)Unless someone else needs the spot. Drake knows himself, and that he'd give it up without a second thought if nobody tried to stop him.
He doesn't really know what to do with that, either. Or the ache in his chest that's come back at hearing Jesus say these things. The smile he offers the other man is wobbly in an overwhelmed way, and he lifts a hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Jesus' ear. ]
Okay. I'll be there.
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Date: 2022-12-19 02:07 am (UTC)[ Because he knows Drake has doubts.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tube of lotion. ]
I know you just showered but take your shirt off and go lay down. I want to try some things on you--massage tricks. You could use them.
[ Drake is tense, and he deserves a little pampering.]
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Date: 2022-12-19 02:37 am (UTC)You thought ahead to bring that?
[ It's asked fondly, though, and Drake's smile has stopped wavering. He leans in again to bump their foreheads together affectionately, just for a moment... then pulls back and tips his head towards the bedroom. ]
I'm not gonna say no. What kind of tricks?
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Date: 2022-12-19 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-19 02:53 am (UTC)"You've had a plan?" He's still feeling raw and unsteady, but this turn of events is already lightening the mood a bit. "Come on, then. Only one way for me to find out, right?"
Back to the bedroom they go, and Drake pulls his shirt off on the way to the bed and sets it on the dresser. Then lies down on his stomach, folding his arms and resting his head on them to glance back at Jesus. Is this what he meant?
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Date: 2022-12-19 02:56 am (UTC)"I took a massage class once," he explains, warming the lotion in his hands before he starts smoothing it over the muscles of Drake's back. "But, obviously, there wasn't much use for it. Now there is."
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Date: 2022-12-19 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-19 03:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
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