In another moment, Vrenille would probably quip some question, not about Crisco necessarily, maybe about Boy Butter. It's not the direction he's heading right now though, which is more on the side of sobriety, but also gentle and careful--it's a question with a lot of care behind it:
Whatever question he'd expected, it clearly wasn't that one. He shakes his head slightly, confused and then realizing this should have occurred to him before now. It just hadn't.
"I only wear it to play with you," he says. "And I don't really talk about what I do with other men with him much."
He looks away, then back at Vrenille. "Why do you ask? Should I have?"
"I'm...not sure, honestly. It's just something I've been thinking 'bout. You 'n I at Marked and such, how sooner or later I think he's likely to see you in it."
He's a little hesitant here, but not because he thinks Jesus has done anything wrong, and not because he wants to see anything at all between them change. That's something that worries him, bringing this up. What they have is special to him, special enough to protect it; it's just a question of what protecting it looks like.
"I don't wanna overstep. What you 'n him talk 'bout, how you are together--it's between the two of you, it's not my place. But I see how you look at each other. If he saw 'n got the wrong idea... I don't want him get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt either. I dunno. What do you think?"
It's an honest question. He doesn't know the right answer, he doesn't know if there is one, really.
"I don't want to hurt him," Jesus says, for the first time thinking that maybe this could send a signal he isn't intending to send.
"But this matters to me," he rests a hand on Vrenille's. "I like playing with you. I think he'll understand. I'll explain it to him. But I don't want this to change. It's important to me, too."
Vrenille hooks his fingertips up and over Jesus's where they rest, twining them together as he nods a soft hum of assent. "I don't want it to change either. It's more important than I knew it was gonna be when we started." That's not really something he's said aloud before.
"Maybe this is all me worrying over nothing, 'cause I know he might say well, you're both human and what you do together's different--I know he feels it's different. But I know how much it matters to him the idea that one person might wanna own another."
It would be so easy for K misinterpret, and there's at least the potential for his trust in one or both of them to be shaken. Vrenille's every bit as worried about that as he is about something changing between him and Jesus.
"I like this because I know you don't want to own me. If I felt like you were trying to possess me, or control me, this wouldn't be what it is. I'm safe with you. That's what it means to me." Every time he puts on the collar and asks for rules is a show of faith, just as much as it is a game.
"I'll make sure he understands that part of it. That you aren't like that."
"I trust you--whatever you say to him, I trust you." It's a show of faith in return, now with this just as much as with any of their rules or the games they play.
And it's saying quite a lot, because Vrenille's friendship with K is one of the most important and precious he has in the city, carefully built and not at all something he takes for granted. He doesn't hesitate to let Jesus see that in his expression, but he also doesn't hesitate to let him be the one to broach this topic, represent it in whatever way feels right to him.
It's like a trust fall--a gesture towards how special he understands them to be to each other. The last thing he would want would be to come between them in some accidental way.
"Even if he doesn't understand all of it," Vrenille picks up the thought to carry it on, "or maybe not all at once, there can be enough to start, so it's not too...alienating." They can all work it out from there.
He leans his brow in against Jesus's, letting their temples rest together with a little nudge. "Hell, I'm not gonna pretend I understand all of this, and I'm even part of it. But I understand that it feels right and it works and I trust it every bit as much as I trust you. Most important bonds I've ever had with anyone are the ones that don't got any neat names to wrap 'em up in."
There's not a name for what he feels that he and Jesus are starting to become for each other, every available word in the language feeling like it misses the mark, either too casual or too romantic or too formal. But he's all right with that, the depth and breadth and flexibility all wide open, unconstrained by convention, definition. It makes it something no one else can catch or pin down, and between the two of them, they've got bigger fish to fry than putting pins in captured specimens anyway.
"When you name something, you change it." It might be why he's never been attached to one name or another. Maybe it's why he, these days, only gives his nickname. He reaches up, stroking Vrenille's hair. Thinking about other times they've been this close, the other contexts, how it feels now knowing that he's welcome here.
"I don't want a name for something that doesn't need one."
"Yeah, it doesn't need a name," he agrees, tilting his head into the caress of fingers in his hair and bringing them close enough so that, for a moment, he can feel the crescent of Jesus's eyelashes brush against his cheek.
It doesn't need a name because it has, instead...a house key. And that, Vrenille feels, is better. There are sometimes better ways to say things than by naming them.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-01-25 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 06:07 pm (UTC)"Does K know 'bout your collar?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 06:23 pm (UTC)"I only wear it to play with you," he says. "And I don't really talk about what I do with other men with him much."
He looks away, then back at Vrenille. "Why do you ask? Should I have?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 06:35 pm (UTC)He's a little hesitant here, but not because he thinks Jesus has done anything wrong, and not because he wants to see anything at all between them change. That's something that worries him, bringing this up. What they have is special to him, special enough to protect it; it's just a question of what protecting it looks like.
"I don't wanna overstep. What you 'n him talk 'bout, how you are together--it's between the two of you, it's not my place. But I see how you look at each other. If he saw 'n got the wrong idea... I don't want him get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt either. I dunno. What do you think?"
It's an honest question. He doesn't know the right answer, he doesn't know if there is one, really.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 07:33 pm (UTC)"But this matters to me," he rests a hand on Vrenille's. "I like playing with you. I think he'll understand. I'll explain it to him. But I don't want this to change. It's important to me, too."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 09:02 pm (UTC)"Maybe this is all me worrying over nothing, 'cause I know he might say well, you're both human and what you do together's different--I know he feels it's different. But I know how much it matters to him the idea that one person might wanna own another."
It would be so easy for K misinterpret, and there's at least the potential for his trust in one or both of them to be shaken. Vrenille's every bit as worried about that as he is about something changing between him and Jesus.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 09:30 pm (UTC)"I'll make sure he understands that part of it. That you aren't like that."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 09:57 pm (UTC)And it's saying quite a lot, because Vrenille's friendship with K is one of the most important and precious he has in the city, carefully built and not at all something he takes for granted. He doesn't hesitate to let Jesus see that in his expression, but he also doesn't hesitate to let him be the one to broach this topic, represent it in whatever way feels right to him.
It's like a trust fall--a gesture towards how special he understands them to be to each other. The last thing he would want would be to come between them in some accidental way.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 10:29 pm (UTC)Sometimes he's wrong. He has been in the past.
"But this is important to me, Vrenille. Even if he doesn't understand all of it..."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 09:55 am (UTC)He leans his brow in against Jesus's, letting their temples rest together with a little nudge. "Hell, I'm not gonna pretend I understand all of this, and I'm even part of it. But I understand that it feels right and it works and I trust it every bit as much as I trust you. Most important bonds I've ever had with anyone are the ones that don't got any neat names to wrap 'em up in."
There's not a name for what he feels that he and Jesus are starting to become for each other, every available word in the language feeling like it misses the mark, either too casual or too romantic or too formal. But he's all right with that, the depth and breadth and flexibility all wide open, unconstrained by convention, definition. It makes it something no one else can catch or pin down, and between the two of them, they've got bigger fish to fry than putting pins in captured specimens anyway.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 05:10 am (UTC)"I don't want a name for something that doesn't need one."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 02:39 pm (UTC)It doesn't need a name because it has, instead...a house key. And that, Vrenille feels, is better. There are sometimes better ways to say things than by naming them.