I know you're working tonight's party so probably sleeping in, but I think we both completely missed that the 19th is on a Sunday this month. Hit me when you wake up? If I swing by this afternoon I can still make it to the contract office before they close today.
It takes Jesus a lot longer than it should, to the point Drake's starting to wonder if he got caught at the checkpoint for some reason... but he would've called in that case. Probably he's just running other errands first? There's no reason for Drake to worry it's anything else, and eventually he does hear the apartment door opening. Sable's head snaps up, ears perked excitedly, and Drake laughs softly at her.
"Yeah, you can go say hi," he tells his dog, standing up from where he was folding laundry to follow suit.
When he comes into view he's in just sweats and a tank top, and it's obvious he doesn't suspect anything. His smile is as warm and happy to see Jesus as ever.
The first thing that tips him something's off is Jesus' tone, then the distracted way he looks around with his eyes refusing to settle on anything. Drake's expression shifts to worry, the paperwork forgotten for the moment as he steps closer.
"I'm fine..." He comes to a stop in front of Jesus, brow furrowed with concern. "Come sit down, are you feeling okay?"
"I'm okay." He looks up at Drake, gathers his thoughts and reaches out to stroke his arm. "I'm okay. I've just been thinking maybe we shouldn't sign again. It's just- I don't know how far some things I'm involved in might go and I don't want to drag you into them. I don't want you to get hurt."
Wait, what? Drake goes very still, feeling a sudden sinking in the pit of his stomach as if the floor's dropped out from under him. It sort of has...?
How did I not see this coming? he asks himself, pain sinking in as the shock settles.
He had seen it coming, though. He'd been braced for it, worried about it, but for all the wrong reasons. Because he was too much of a burden, or too needy, or just because it'd become obvious he was too attached when Jesus had been pretty clear that wasn't something he wanted. But the other night-- Drake's jaw works, and although he doesn't pull away it's pretty obvious that Jesus is a little late on the getting hurt front. The things they'd said to each other had made him drop his guard in a lot of ways, and he should have known better.
"I thought we were on the same page with that," he finally manages, voice soft.
"That's a risk I've been willing to take from the start--" Drake cuts himself off, realizing that something has changed, besides just between them.
He signed K. Someone else Jesus loves, that could suffer if he got in trouble. It makes more sense if he thinks about it that way, but it's still a blade twisting in his chest. It feels personal, even if it isn't. If feels like he fucked up, even if it's to protect him too.
You said you wanted this. You said you've been happy, that it was okay I was a mess. I need you.
He presses his lips together tensely. It's not fair to say any of that, and he's not about to guilt Jesus into resigning. Instead... he breathes out with that eerie, too-even calm that Jesus will recognize as deliberate. This doesn't mean any of that was a lie. It just means he doesn't want to stay anymore.
Jesus has no poker face, not really. He knows his own indecision is telegraphed plainly.
He's thinking of K, too. Drake won't be alone. Drake won't get in trouble for not having a Sub.
He can't pretend he knows this is for the best, because he doesn't, no matter how many times he tells himself. "If you were just someone I signed with I could stand putting you at risk. But you're not." Drake is more than that.
An awkward quiet stretches out between them -- not silence, exactly, Drake's breathing still too even and a bit too shallow -- as he chooses his words carefully. It's been awhile since he felt like he had to, around Jesus.
"Yeah. Do what you've gotta do," he finally manages, sounding stilted. "You know my side, just-- don't just pick some asshole. Please."
He hates this. "I love you. I need to do this to feel like I'm doing right by you," he says, aching. He's done worse things than this. He survived them, too. He has to do this.
It stings, hearing those words in this context. Drake can't maintain the eye contact, lifting a hand to scrub at his face and then focusing very intently on Sable's still wagging tail.
"...what about by you? You can't even tell me we're not gonna have to see you get treated like shit?"
"Okay." He knows he sounds unconvinced, but that's because he is. This doesn't feel like a good idea... and what's even the point? What's to stop Jesus from getting attached to the next Dom, too?
It's just a piece of paper, Drake scolds himself, remembering that he'd cited their contract in the fight they had after the Marked party. If they'd had this conversation back then, he might've agreed that it was the right move. Back when he was worried that their legal situation was influencing their relationship, whatever they would've called it at the time.
Now? After he felt like Jesus wasn't going to run if he stopped hiding? Now it just hurts, and he doesn't know yet how this is going to change things. It shouldn't change much. It's just a signature, paperwork to keep him safe. Isn't that what they always said?
Some things, though... even if this isn't a deliberate attempt to distance himself using 'I love you' as a barge pole, Jesus won't be able to stay over much anymore. Not with Drake or with K. Which is a whole separate minefield they've got to navigate besides how to exist around each other, and Drake visibly wilts just thinking about the replicant's reaction.
"Sorry. I just think it has to come from me... he'll probably bail first chance anyway since he only signed for you, but if I tell him myself he might still trust me a little bit."
It's a long shot, and Drake doesn't sound particularly hopeful. He doesn't sound particularly anything, anymore. Tired, maybe. Hollow and matter of fact as he plans for damage control. That's something he's good at. Keeping on top of shit to be able to take care of someone else.
"I'll text you when it's done, if he doesn't wanna call you himself."
Jesus has spent his life mediating problems, smoothing over hurt feelings, negotiating peace. And here he is, destroying a measure of it in his own life.
This is the right thing to do.
"I have to go meet my new coworkers," for the remaining days he's allowed to have this job. "Can I call you later? After work maybe?"
Part of Drake wants to lean into the hurt and say no, but he's not that guy. Certainly not for his own sake. So after a moment's hesitation he exhales and nods, finally looking back at Jesus properly.
"Dunno if I'll be up that late," he warns, because that's just the truth, "but yeah."
It feels wrong to let Jesus leave like this, to say goodbye while he's still upset, but it's not something they're going to fix by talking about it. Drake's not going to push him to change his mind when he's said this is something he needs.
It's just a stupid signature.
It's not. But he's going to keep telling himself that.
The other man's hand is on the doorknob before Drake calls his name, sharp and cut off like he didn't mean to and caught himself even though there is more he needs to say before Jesus leaves.
"Jesus--" Shit. Fuck. Pull yourself together, idiot. "You can still always call me. And I'll send next month's rent early to buy you some time. Just..."
This sucks, but he forces himself to square his shoulders again and step forward to reach into his coat pocket where it hangs in the entryway. There's a telltale jingle as he pulls out his keys, finds the one to Jesus' apartment, and works it off the ring.
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timeasmymeasure
morning of 3/17 text; un: holloway
Date: 2023-03-17 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-17 11:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-17 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-17 11:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-17 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-17 11:59 pm (UTC)He feels guilty letting himself into the apartment.
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Date: 2023-03-18 12:17 am (UTC)"Yeah, you can go say hi," he tells his dog, standing up from where he was folding laundry to follow suit.
When he comes into view he's in just sweats and a tank top, and it's obvious he doesn't suspect anything. His smile is as warm and happy to see Jesus as ever.
"Busy morning?"
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 01:11 am (UTC)He looks around, sees the papers. Almost turns back again. "How're you?"
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Date: 2023-03-18 01:30 am (UTC)"I'm fine..." He comes to a stop in front of Jesus, brow furrowed with concern. "Come sit down, are you feeling okay?"
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Date: 2023-03-18 01:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 02:18 am (UTC)How did I not see this coming? he asks himself, pain sinking in as the shock settles.
He had seen it coming, though. He'd been braced for it, worried about it, but for all the wrong reasons. Because he was too much of a burden, or too needy, or just because it'd become obvious he was too attached when Jesus had been pretty clear that wasn't something he wanted. But the other night-- Drake's jaw works, and although he doesn't pull away it's pretty obvious that Jesus is a little late on the getting hurt front. The things they'd said to each other had made him drop his guard in a lot of ways, and he should have known better.
"I thought we were on the same page with that," he finally manages, voice soft.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 02:34 am (UTC)But the way Drake is looking at him yanks at his heart like it's on a chain.
"I've had to do things, Drake, and I don't know what I'd do if I had to do them here and it came back on you."
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 02:47 am (UTC)He signed K. Someone else Jesus loves, that could suffer if he got in trouble. It makes more sense if he thinks about it that way, but it's still a blade twisting in his chest. It feels personal, even if it isn't. If feels like he fucked up, even if it's to protect him too.
You said you wanted this. You said you've been happy, that it was okay I was a mess. I need you.
He presses his lips together tensely. It's not fair to say any of that, and he's not about to guilt Jesus into resigning. Instead... he breathes out with that eerie, too-even calm that Jesus will recognize as deliberate. This doesn't mean any of that was a lie. It just means he doesn't want to stay anymore.
"Are you sure?"
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 02:51 am (UTC)Jesus has no poker face, not really. He knows his own indecision is telegraphed plainly.
He's thinking of K, too. Drake won't be alone. Drake won't get in trouble for not having a Sub.
He can't pretend he knows this is for the best, because he doesn't, no matter how many times he tells himself. "If you were just someone I signed with I could stand putting you at risk. But you're not." Drake is more than that.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 04:39 pm (UTC)"Yeah. Do what you've gotta do," he finally manages, sounding stilted. "You know my side, just-- don't just pick some asshole. Please."
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 05:41 pm (UTC)"...what about by you? You can't even tell me we're not gonna have to see you get treated like shit?"
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Date: 2023-03-18 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 10:11 pm (UTC)It's just a piece of paper, Drake scolds himself, remembering that he'd cited their contract in the fight they had after the Marked party. If they'd had this conversation back then, he might've agreed that it was the right move. Back when he was worried that their legal situation was influencing their relationship, whatever they would've called it at the time.
Now? After he felt like Jesus wasn't going to run if he stopped hiding? Now it just hurts, and he doesn't know yet how this is going to change things. It shouldn't change much. It's just a signature, paperwork to keep him safe. Isn't that what they always said?
Some things, though... even if this isn't a deliberate attempt to distance himself using 'I love you' as a barge pole, Jesus won't be able to stay over much anymore. Not with Drake or with K. Which is a whole separate minefield they've got to navigate besides how to exist around each other, and Drake visibly wilts just thinking about the replicant's reaction.
"Let me break it to K myself at least?"
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Date: 2023-03-18 10:17 pm (UTC)"I- Okay." It's Drake's right. Jesus hurt him; he gets to set the next move.
Will either of you still love me? He won't ask. He wonders. He doubts. But he doesn't have the right to ask that right now.
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 10:30 pm (UTC)It's a long shot, and Drake doesn't sound particularly hopeful. He doesn't sound particularly anything, anymore. Tired, maybe. Hollow and matter of fact as he plans for damage control. That's something he's good at. Keeping on top of shit to be able to take care of someone else.
"I'll text you when it's done, if he doesn't wanna call you himself."
no subject
Date: 2023-03-18 10:33 pm (UTC)This is the right thing to do.
"I have to go meet my new coworkers," for the remaining days he's allowed to have this job. "Can I call you later? After work maybe?"
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Date: 2023-03-18 10:43 pm (UTC)"Dunno if I'll be up that late," he warns, because that's just the truth, "but yeah."
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Date: 2023-03-18 10:46 pm (UTC)He lingers a second longer, almost apologizes and walks this all back, but ultimately he nods again and turns to go. "I'll talk to you later."
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Date: 2023-03-18 11:02 pm (UTC)It's just a stupid signature.
It's not. But he's going to keep telling himself that.
The other man's hand is on the doorknob before Drake calls his name, sharp and cut off like he didn't mean to and caught himself even though there is more he needs to say before Jesus leaves.
"Jesus--" Shit. Fuck. Pull yourself together, idiot. "You can still always call me. And I'll send next month's rent early to buy you some time. Just..."
This sucks, but he forces himself to square his shoulders again and step forward to reach into his coat pocket where it hangs in the entryway. There's a telltale jingle as he pulls out his keys, finds the one to Jesus' apartment, and works it off the ring.
"Here."
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