[People have danced around it. They've said it's a punishment. They've leaned heavily on the coercion side of things: make quota or else it gets worse. But make quota and you'll still have some choice.
He thinks a moment, then sighs faintly, shrugs a shoulder]
Then I guess sometimes I'll be forced.
I imagine it's easier then to be with someone you don't love. [He's sympathetic. That would gut him: not having choice with someone he loved, someone he trusted.]
I mean, it's always sex. Somebody has to get off or it doesn't count. But you must've seen at least a little of just how weird sex can get by now, right? Sometimes what they're telling you to do isn't your kink.
[ In all honesty he doesn't want to totally crush Jesus' hopes, and sometimes there is a little wiggle room... but if the city's directly involved and monitoring them? Better the new guy know how bad it can get just to be prepared. And maybe relieved when it isn't always like that. Can't appreciate the light without the dark, right?
Drake doesn't expect what Jesus says next, though. He blinks, studying the other man's expression to gauge if he's speaking from experience or just commenting in the vein of 'at least they don't execute us for breaking the rules', which would also make sense. It's hard to tell. ]
...if you mean that how I think you do? Yeah, anything does. I ran into that in the last world, too, turns out the living will sometimes give you shit for rolling with it.
[ He means that. Lets it sit for a moment, because objectively it's horrible. When he speaks again there's steel under the softness in his tone, though. The absolute certainty of someone who's been through this and refused to give up on his second chance, even when it was truly miserable. ]
This isn't all there is for you. Like... yeah, we're stuck right now. But I'm proof that you can keep hopping. And whether the place you've wound up is somewhere better or worse, it's really not the world that matters. 'What you do with it' is find something to live for. Sometimes that takes awhile. Sometimes it changes. But you're in good company, yeah?
[Sympathy is not something that his world has a lot of. Usually, if there's any room for that kindness, he's the one offering it. It means that the words all hit just right, all the right notes for the meanings to settle in.]
I think I am.
[He shakes his head in small disbelief] I didn't think I would be when I first came here.
If you ask me, you're ahead of the curve. It took me months to admit it to anybody... here it's weirdly common, but that doesn't make it easier to talk about.
[ Some people are really open about it, but Drake isn't one of them. He wonders about the ones who are, if they're actually fine with it or just think that if they act like they are then real acceptance will follow. That's definitely not how it went for him.
Which is kind of an important thing to mention, he thinks. ]
Just because you're alive here doesn't mean you won't have to grieve, either. For the life you're not going back to. I know I did.
[He can admit that some of this is a conscious act.] Denial is a survival skill sometimes. I can't let myself grieve yet. [He doesn't know if he can recover from that.] Not until I know what I'm doing here.
[ Drake considers that. He doesn't agree about denial being good, but he needed a purpose first too. Before he began to accept his death, before he even admitted it to anyone, he'd needed to find his place in Hadriel. So Jesus gets a nod of understanding. ]
Yeah... even if you've packed everything up, you need to know where you're moving into before you start moving out. One step at a time. But you know. Emotionally.
[ He offers Jesus what he hopes is an encouraging smile, nodding towards his meal. ]
[Offering food is, in every culture, a significant thing. For him, where people sometimes starved to death, it's never going to be a small gesture again.
But what actually gets him, makes him have to compose himself, is the way Drake puts it. It is, in every syllable, exactly the right way to put it to Paul Rovia and he thinks when he was younger it would have scared him. He's old enough and battleweary enough that it just chokes him up a little, which is more embarrassing.]
Thank you.
[He swallows. Steadier now.] I think I see why he wanted us to meet.
[ That gets a curious head tilt, because Drake really isn't sure what he means by that. It can't just be that he's been through the accepting death thing, because so has Crais... but he's not about to push Jesus to articulate it right now, either. He's just grateful he could help a little. ]
Yeah? I'm glad he did.
[ Drake and Crais don't always get each other, but there's trust there now. Crais has good instincts and this was no exception -- he really likes Jesus so far. ]
I'm honored to be the one, then. [He's joking but it is intriguing. Crais is still a bit of a mystery, but he's using his networking powers for good, which is always a relief.]
I told him I'd try to stay out of trouble. He made it seem like that's not the route most people take.
It says something good about both of us. He knows I'm trustworthy, and could tell you're someone I'd consider contracting with. The only time I've had multiple subs was before my partner was comfortable signing with me -- a friend of mine needed a dom too. They wound up overlapping for awhile.
[ The comment about people staying out of trouble gets a soft laugh from Drake. ]
Jesus, you have no idea. I mean... I usually stay out of trouble, but it's not for my own sake and sometimes I'm just not willing to fall in line. But yeah the scale goes from that to like. Total chaos incarnate.
Honestly? It doesn't change shit. I've been here like a year and a half and things pretty much are how they are. Apparently years back there was a power shake-up but I don't think we had much to do with it... and the guy who told me about it said things were better for subs before.
[ Drake shrugs. ]
The old timers don't bother causing trouble anymore, not after seeing every attempt at rebellion squashed. You know? The newer people are, the more fight they've got in them. I kinda pick my battles, keep it small scale. But I'm also just a guy these days.
[ There are lots of superheroes around, people more resilient. And more willing to take risks, for whatever reason. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-07-07 01:10 am (UTC)[ If nobody's told Jesus this yet, he's sorry to be the one. ]
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Date: 2022-07-07 01:17 am (UTC)He thinks a moment, then sighs faintly, shrugs a shoulder]
Then I guess sometimes I'll be forced.
I imagine it's easier then to be with someone you don't love. [He's sympathetic. That would gut him: not having choice with someone he loved, someone he trusted.]
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Date: 2022-07-07 01:32 am (UTC)That's a personal thing. Experience has proven I'd always rather it be somebody I trust, but I think it also depends on what they're making you do.
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Date: 2022-07-07 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-07 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 03:35 am (UTC)...It still beats being dead, though. [And he'll keep telling himself that, too.]
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Date: 2022-07-11 03:45 am (UTC)[ In all honesty he doesn't want to totally crush Jesus' hopes, and sometimes there is a little wiggle room... but if the city's directly involved and monitoring them? Better the new guy know how bad it can get just to be prepared. And maybe relieved when it isn't always like that. Can't appreciate the light without the dark, right?
Drake doesn't expect what Jesus says next, though. He blinks, studying the other man's expression to gauge if he's speaking from experience or just commenting in the vein of 'at least they don't execute us for breaking the rules', which would also make sense. It's hard to tell. ]
...if you mean that how I think you do? Yeah, anything does. I ran into that in the last world, too, turns out the living will sometimes give you shit for rolling with it.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 03:53 am (UTC)[But here he is, going along with it.
His voice is small, almost absent, when he murmurs:]
...I think I died.
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Date: 2022-07-11 03:58 am (UTC)Maybe they would. But when somewhere awful's your only option, you pick your battles. You're not sure?
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Date: 2022-07-11 04:04 am (UTC)[And, his mind reminds him, it might be more than he had before. But it's also far, far less.]
I don't know what to do with it.
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Date: 2022-07-11 04:07 am (UTC)...what's the last thing you remember?
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Date: 2022-07-11 04:09 am (UTC)I got stabbed. In the back. I bled out fast.
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Date: 2022-07-11 04:21 am (UTC)I'm sorry.
[ He means that. Lets it sit for a moment, because objectively it's horrible. When he speaks again there's steel under the softness in his tone, though. The absolute certainty of someone who's been through this and refused to give up on his second chance, even when it was truly miserable. ]
This isn't all there is for you. Like... yeah, we're stuck right now. But I'm proof that you can keep hopping. And whether the place you've wound up is somewhere better or worse, it's really not the world that matters. 'What you do with it' is find something to live for. Sometimes that takes awhile. Sometimes it changes. But you're in good company, yeah?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 04:35 am (UTC)I think I am.
[He shakes his head in small disbelief] I didn't think I would be when I first came here.
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Date: 2022-07-11 04:56 am (UTC)[ Some people are really open about it, but Drake isn't one of them. He wonders about the ones who are, if they're actually fine with it or just think that if they act like they are then real acceptance will follow. That's definitely not how it went for him.
Which is kind of an important thing to mention, he thinks. ]
Just because you're alive here doesn't mean you won't have to grieve, either. For the life you're not going back to. I know I did.
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Date: 2022-07-11 04:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-11 05:12 am (UTC)Yeah... even if you've packed everything up, you need to know where you're moving into before you start moving out. One step at a time. But you know. Emotionally.
[ He offers Jesus what he hopes is an encouraging smile, nodding towards his meal. ]
Today's step can be this.
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Date: 2022-07-11 05:18 am (UTC)But what actually gets him, makes him have to compose himself, is the way Drake puts it. It is, in every syllable, exactly the right way to put it to Paul Rovia and he thinks when he was younger it would have scared him. He's old enough and battleweary enough that it just chokes him up a little, which is more embarrassing.]
Thank you.
[He swallows. Steadier now.] I think I see why he wanted us to meet.
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Date: 2022-07-11 05:34 am (UTC)Yeah? I'm glad he did.
[ Drake and Crais don't always get each other, but there's trust there now. Crais has good instincts and this was no exception -- he really likes Jesus so far. ]
You ever need something, you can hit me up.
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Date: 2022-07-11 05:50 am (UTC)How often do you two team up to help out the new kids?
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Date: 2022-07-11 05:58 am (UTC)[ He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head. This might be the first time one of them has pointed a total newbie at the other. ]
We've teamed up to work through stuff with people we both know, but this is a little different. It might mean I've finally made his list?
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Date: 2022-07-12 01:43 am (UTC)I told him I'd try to stay out of trouble. He made it seem like that's not the route most people take.
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Date: 2022-07-13 12:53 am (UTC)[ The comment about people staying out of trouble gets a soft laugh from Drake. ]
Jesus, you have no idea. I mean... I usually stay out of trouble, but it's not for my own sake and sometimes I'm just not willing to fall in line. But yeah the scale goes from that to like. Total chaos incarnate.
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Date: 2022-07-14 09:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-22 03:54 pm (UTC)[ Drake shrugs. ]
The old timers don't bother causing trouble anymore, not after seeing every attempt at rebellion squashed. You know? The newer people are, the more fight they've got in them. I kinda pick my battles, keep it small scale. But I'm also just a guy these days.
[ There are lots of superheroes around, people more resilient. And more willing to take risks, for whatever reason. ]