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[hippie_ninja]

This is Jesus. Leave a message.

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[hippie_ninja]

[He hums softly, regretful. He does know. John wouldn't have been any safer in the old world, but he would have been a hero in the one Jesus left. Partly because most humans are dead.]

Have you always been able to do this?

[fireshow]

Not since I was born. Well— [ He shrugs. ] the x-gene, as they call it, has always been there, I guess. But it's usually around puberty when a mutant discovers they have their powers, whatever that is. I'm not exactly an expert in genetics or anything, so.

[ Another shrug, he looks over to Jesus and the cat pawing at the man's beard. ]

I've killed people though. [ That comes out a little softer than he means it to, gaze drifting off for just a moment. ] I don't regret it. I can't regret killing people who wanted me dead. Who hurt others like me.

[hippie_ninja]

[He nods--just a little, because he's enjoying letting the firecat play with his beard]

I don't regret killing any of the people I have. There's always been a reason--my life, or someone I'm protecting. Something that had to be done.

I don't believe in it as a first response, but I don't think you should regret killing if it means saving yourself, saving people you care about. People who depend on you.

[fireshow]

I don't know if I would have called it that.

[ Shifting, he sits up then, a glance down to his lap where he covers himself a bit before he leans back on his hands, looking off across the room. ]

I don't really fit in anywhere. Here, back home. I just drift a lot. I don't know where I belong. I feel like I try to, but then some part of me doesn't like it. I feel the need to constantly run. Maybe it's just cause it's what I've always done. Or it's easier to be on your own. I don't know.

[hippie_ninja]

[He frowns, and sits up as well, still holding the fire.]

I ran away a lot as a kid. I grew up in a group home... every time someone would foster me I'd have a good week, good two weeks, and then I'd bolt.

I still do that. It's not easy to be alone, but at least then you know what to expect. You know, I thought I'd found a place to belong. I fought to save it. But by the time I came here? I just felt trapped. [he still feels trapped. He gets it.]

Do you feel like you belong with your Dom at least?

[fireshow]

Depends on my mood.

[ He tries to shrug it off with a soft laugh, but it's also the truth. ]

I just feel like a lot of stuff is pointless. That staying alive is as good as it gets.

[hippie_ninja]

[For nearly everyone Jesus knows, it is. He's always strived for more, though.]

What's a good day look like for you? Not an average day, a good one.

[fireshow]

I don't know.

[ Tilting his head some, he gives a shrug of a shoulder. ]

I try not to have those actually. Good things. Because it sucks when they eventually end up leaving. Or whatever.

[hippie_ninja]

[Another little nod.]

That must make it hard to enjoy them when they do come along, though.

[fireshow]

Or maybe I'm just a really fucked up person who can't deal in the same way others can.

[ He shrugs as he looks over to Jesus. ]

Fire's known to be destructive after all.

[hippie_ninja]

The way you're dealing makes sense to me. Even the destructive parts. You would have fit in fine in my world.

Besides. You didn't have to do this [the room] for me but you did.

[fireshow]

[ Letting his gaze linger on the other man, he looks away then, face scrunched up some. ]

Yeah, well.

[ Choosing not to finish that, he looks over to the fiery cat who sits there on Jesus' lap, hand held out to gesture for the cat to come over. When it does, fiery little paw touching his palm, it collapses into flame which John curls into his palm and puts out. Extinguishing it. ]

[hippie_ninja]

People have all kinds of advice on how to survive. Whatever you need to do to keep going, I understand.

[If it means he doesn't let Jesus get too close. If it means he needs to run, sometimes. If it means they get nights like this where they suck each other off or trade books.]

[fireshow]

And how do you survive?

[ He asks, genuinely. For once not flippantly. ]

[hippie_ninja]

I make friends. But I don't let myself forget how people are limited.

[He loves people. He just keeps his distance from them, holds them at just enough of a distance he can enjoy them without risking anything.]

[fireshow]

Sometimes it's just easier that way.

[ He's dealt with the loss of someone he loved here. Something he told himself he wouldn't do in a place like this. ]

[hippie_ninja]

Sometimes it is. [It's why Jesus does it.]

Sometimes it's not the best option, though.

[fireshow]

Says who?

[ What is healthy and what isn't in a place like this after all? ]

[hippie_ninja]

Reality. [He shrugs] There's no solution that works in every scenario. Survival is about adapting strategies to fit the situation. I'd be dead if I hadn't let myself get close to one person; I'd be alive if I'd kept my distance from another.

[fireshow]

[ He remembers Jesus telling him about his death — that he'd died back in his world and so, being here, this is pretty much all he has left. He has nothing to go back to. ]

Well. Least if you die here, you come back, so.

[ He shrugs, looking down to the bed. ]

[hippie_ninja]

That doesn't seem like it comforts you.

[It doesn't comfort Jesus, but he's not sure how to articulate why. There are a lot of reasons.]

[fireshow]

It is what it is. Least it's not permanent? I don't know.

[ He shrugs, fingers twisting in the sheets a little. ]

[hippie_ninja]

What was it like?

[He has no doubt now that John has died here, and that it wasn't good, it wasn't easy, it's not done yet.]

[fireshow]

[ There's a visible sort of freezing up that John does when he's asked that, but it's brief enough to maybe pass off as not being noticeable. Maybe. ]

I don't know? Lots of people die here, so ask one of them? Sure you'll get someone going on about it.

[hippie_ninja]

[He's not buying it.]

My friend died here. But he brushed it off. He's just glad to be alive.

I'm not sure I'd handle it the same way.