The kiss is a little different than most they've shared, and Vrenille returns it, soft and tender, lingering not to deepen but just to let their faces brush, let himself feel the hair of Jesus's beard against his cheek and the warmth of his palm.
"Like I said, the gloves are perfect--you making 'em for me, thinking of me, not knowing I was gonna do this. Which I've been thinking 'bout for a while, by the by. The keyring, sure, nice Wintersday gift 'n all, but the key? I was gonna give you that anyway. That's not 'bout exchanging gifts. It's just 'cause it feels right."
It feels a little like when he first invited Hakkyuu to his hideout as a kid; like an echo of that anyway. He's known Jesus for longer now than he'd known Hakkyuu then, on that first day, of course, and the key to his home is a different thing, sure. But there's that same sense in his gut that's guiding him, a certainty about the choice.
"City doesn't give us many options, right? Guest or contract partner's pretty much it. So we make our own way. Key means any day or any night, whether I'm here or not, whether we've spoken or planned or haven't, any time, any reason, for so long as either of us is in this place."
That's the sort of welcome this is. It's not the same as what his guild gave him, but it's about as close as he can come here.
The concept of rules for this house seems to have a certain novelty for Vrenille, and he has to take a moment to think about it. "Well back home we had a rule: anything that started off 'Hey everybody, watch this!' you weren't allowed to do. But I think Sesyria mostly set that one 'cause of Hakkyuu 'n me..." Mainly Hakkyuu. But either way, it definitely doesn't apply here.
And then he hits on something.
"Oh! I know one important one: If the Crisco leaves the kitchen, it cannot come back into the kitchen."
He manages to deadpan that for a good three or four seconds, before he breaks into a laugh. "Nah, I'm just kidding. Everyone in this house has better lube options than Crisco anyway."
It makes him laugh, which makes him relax just that little bit to where he can understand that what he was really asking Vrenille was 'how do I keep from getting kicked back out of this'.
And for this moment, looking at his friend, holding a key in his hand, he can honestly believe that Vrenille wants him to stay.
"Who taught you about Crisco?" He asks, still laughing.
Vrenille is still laughing too, and he puffs his cheeks out as he tries to remember who exactly. It was some time ago now.
"Pretty sure it was this guy Eggsy. Weird name but he swore it was what everyone including his mom called him. He was an English guy, Londoner from...I wanna say 2015 or so?"
Vrenille's tone and something in his eyes probably says on its own that this is someone no longer in the city--a fond memory of a friend made here and now gone. "He used to say the damnedest things, seemed to always be explaining half it 'em to everyone. Least it wasn't just me," he shakes his head and looks at Jesus fondly, letting the little reminiscence bridge past and present. "You'd 've liked him."
"It's got character." Eggsy's name, yes, but also Jesus's, which Vrenille recognises registers in quite a particular way for anyone from Earth and has learned to enjoy watching the reactions to.
"Got more options here than back home by a whole shelf-full." Though also, this makes him think of something--tangential to lube, yes, but not wholly unrelated.
Still smiling as he looks at Jesus, his expression shifts just a degree more earnest. "Can I ask you something?"
In another moment, Vrenille would probably quip some question, not about Crisco necessarily, maybe about Boy Butter. It's not the direction he's heading right now though, which is more on the side of sobriety, but also gentle and careful--it's a question with a lot of care behind it:
Whatever question he'd expected, it clearly wasn't that one. He shakes his head slightly, confused and then realizing this should have occurred to him before now. It just hadn't.
"I only wear it to play with you," he says. "And I don't really talk about what I do with other men with him much."
He looks away, then back at Vrenille. "Why do you ask? Should I have?"
"I'm...not sure, honestly. It's just something I've been thinking 'bout. You 'n I at Marked and such, how sooner or later I think he's likely to see you in it."
He's a little hesitant here, but not because he thinks Jesus has done anything wrong, and not because he wants to see anything at all between them change. That's something that worries him, bringing this up. What they have is special to him, special enough to protect it; it's just a question of what protecting it looks like.
"I don't wanna overstep. What you 'n him talk 'bout, how you are together--it's between the two of you, it's not my place. But I see how you look at each other. If he saw 'n got the wrong idea... I don't want him get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt either. I dunno. What do you think?"
It's an honest question. He doesn't know the right answer, he doesn't know if there is one, really.
"I don't want to hurt him," Jesus says, for the first time thinking that maybe this could send a signal he isn't intending to send.
"But this matters to me," he rests a hand on Vrenille's. "I like playing with you. I think he'll understand. I'll explain it to him. But I don't want this to change. It's important to me, too."
Vrenille hooks his fingertips up and over Jesus's where they rest, twining them together as he nods a soft hum of assent. "I don't want it to change either. It's more important than I knew it was gonna be when we started." That's not really something he's said aloud before.
"Maybe this is all me worrying over nothing, 'cause I know he might say well, you're both human and what you do together's different--I know he feels it's different. But I know how much it matters to him the idea that one person might wanna own another."
It would be so easy for K misinterpret, and there's at least the potential for his trust in one or both of them to be shaken. Vrenille's every bit as worried about that as he is about something changing between him and Jesus.
"I like this because I know you don't want to own me. If I felt like you were trying to possess me, or control me, this wouldn't be what it is. I'm safe with you. That's what it means to me." Every time he puts on the collar and asks for rules is a show of faith, just as much as it is a game.
"I'll make sure he understands that part of it. That you aren't like that."
"I trust you--whatever you say to him, I trust you." It's a show of faith in return, now with this just as much as with any of their rules or the games they play.
And it's saying quite a lot, because Vrenille's friendship with K is one of the most important and precious he has in the city, carefully built and not at all something he takes for granted. He doesn't hesitate to let Jesus see that in his expression, but he also doesn't hesitate to let him be the one to broach this topic, represent it in whatever way feels right to him.
It's like a trust fall--a gesture towards how special he understands them to be to each other. The last thing he would want would be to come between them in some accidental way.
"Even if he doesn't understand all of it," Vrenille picks up the thought to carry it on, "or maybe not all at once, there can be enough to start, so it's not too...alienating." They can all work it out from there.
He leans his brow in against Jesus's, letting their temples rest together with a little nudge. "Hell, I'm not gonna pretend I understand all of this, and I'm even part of it. But I understand that it feels right and it works and I trust it every bit as much as I trust you. Most important bonds I've ever had with anyone are the ones that don't got any neat names to wrap 'em up in."
There's not a name for what he feels that he and Jesus are starting to become for each other, every available word in the language feeling like it misses the mark, either too casual or too romantic or too formal. But he's all right with that, the depth and breadth and flexibility all wide open, unconstrained by convention, definition. It makes it something no one else can catch or pin down, and between the two of them, they've got bigger fish to fry than putting pins in captured specimens anyway.
"When you name something, you change it." It might be why he's never been attached to one name or another. Maybe it's why he, these days, only gives his nickname. He reaches up, stroking Vrenille's hair. Thinking about other times they've been this close, the other contexts, how it feels now knowing that he's welcome here.
"I don't want a name for something that doesn't need one."
"Yeah, it doesn't need a name," he agrees, tilting his head into the caress of fingers in his hair and bringing them close enough so that, for a moment, he can feel the crescent of Jesus's eyelashes brush against his cheek.
It doesn't need a name because it has, instead...a house key. And that, Vrenille feels, is better. There are sometimes better ways to say things than by naming them.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-01-05 02:07 pm (UTC)"Like I said, the gloves are perfect--you making 'em for me, thinking of me, not knowing I was gonna do this. Which I've been thinking 'bout for a while, by the by. The keyring, sure, nice Wintersday gift 'n all, but the key? I was gonna give you that anyway. That's not 'bout exchanging gifts. It's just 'cause it feels right."
It feels a little like when he first invited Hakkyuu to his hideout as a kid; like an echo of that anyway. He's known Jesus for longer now than he'd known Hakkyuu then, on that first day, of course, and the key to his home is a different thing, sure. But there's that same sense in his gut that's guiding him, a certainty about the choice.
"City doesn't give us many options, right? Guest or contract partner's pretty much it. So we make our own way. Key means any day or any night, whether I'm here or not, whether we've spoken or planned or haven't, any time, any reason, for so long as either of us is in this place."
That's the sort of welcome this is. It's not the same as what his guild gave him, but it's about as close as he can come here.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-17 04:20 pm (UTC)"I'm going to have to remember not to ring the doorbell before I come in," he says with a light chuckle.
"What are the house rules?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-18 03:50 pm (UTC)And then he hits on something.
"Oh! I know one important one: If the Crisco leaves the kitchen, it cannot come back into the kitchen."
He manages to deadpan that for a good three or four seconds, before he breaks into a laugh. "Nah, I'm just kidding. Everyone in this house has better lube options than Crisco anyway."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-19 08:20 pm (UTC)And for this moment, looking at his friend, holding a key in his hand, he can honestly believe that Vrenille wants him to stay.
"Who taught you about Crisco?" He asks, still laughing.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-24 03:49 pm (UTC)"Pretty sure it was this guy Eggsy. Weird name but he swore it was what everyone including his mom called him. He was an English guy, Londoner from...I wanna say 2015 or so?"
Vrenille's tone and something in his eyes probably says on its own that this is someone no longer in the city--a fond memory of a friend made here and now gone. "He used to say the damnedest things, seemed to always be explaining half it 'em to everyone. Least it wasn't just me," he shakes his head and looks at Jesus fondly, letting the little reminiscence bridge past and present. "You'd 've liked him."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 05:29 pm (UTC)"One thing I love about this place is we never have to get desperate with the lube."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 05:53 pm (UTC)"Got more options here than back home by a whole shelf-full." Though also, this makes him think of something--tangential to lube, yes, but not wholly unrelated.
Still smiling as he looks at Jesus, his expression shifts just a degree more earnest. "Can I ask you something?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 06:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 06:07 pm (UTC)"Does K know 'bout your collar?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 06:23 pm (UTC)"I only wear it to play with you," he says. "And I don't really talk about what I do with other men with him much."
He looks away, then back at Vrenille. "Why do you ask? Should I have?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 06:35 pm (UTC)He's a little hesitant here, but not because he thinks Jesus has done anything wrong, and not because he wants to see anything at all between them change. That's something that worries him, bringing this up. What they have is special to him, special enough to protect it; it's just a question of what protecting it looks like.
"I don't wanna overstep. What you 'n him talk 'bout, how you are together--it's between the two of you, it's not my place. But I see how you look at each other. If he saw 'n got the wrong idea... I don't want him get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt either. I dunno. What do you think?"
It's an honest question. He doesn't know the right answer, he doesn't know if there is one, really.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 07:33 pm (UTC)"But this matters to me," he rests a hand on Vrenille's. "I like playing with you. I think he'll understand. I'll explain it to him. But I don't want this to change. It's important to me, too."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 09:02 pm (UTC)"Maybe this is all me worrying over nothing, 'cause I know he might say well, you're both human and what you do together's different--I know he feels it's different. But I know how much it matters to him the idea that one person might wanna own another."
It would be so easy for K misinterpret, and there's at least the potential for his trust in one or both of them to be shaken. Vrenille's every bit as worried about that as he is about something changing between him and Jesus.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 09:30 pm (UTC)"I'll make sure he understands that part of it. That you aren't like that."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 09:57 pm (UTC)And it's saying quite a lot, because Vrenille's friendship with K is one of the most important and precious he has in the city, carefully built and not at all something he takes for granted. He doesn't hesitate to let Jesus see that in his expression, but he also doesn't hesitate to let him be the one to broach this topic, represent it in whatever way feels right to him.
It's like a trust fall--a gesture towards how special he understands them to be to each other. The last thing he would want would be to come between them in some accidental way.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-25 10:29 pm (UTC)Sometimes he's wrong. He has been in the past.
"But this is important to me, Vrenille. Even if he doesn't understand all of it..."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 09:55 am (UTC)He leans his brow in against Jesus's, letting their temples rest together with a little nudge. "Hell, I'm not gonna pretend I understand all of this, and I'm even part of it. But I understand that it feels right and it works and I trust it every bit as much as I trust you. Most important bonds I've ever had with anyone are the ones that don't got any neat names to wrap 'em up in."
There's not a name for what he feels that he and Jesus are starting to become for each other, every available word in the language feeling like it misses the mark, either too casual or too romantic or too formal. But he's all right with that, the depth and breadth and flexibility all wide open, unconstrained by convention, definition. It makes it something no one else can catch or pin down, and between the two of them, they've got bigger fish to fry than putting pins in captured specimens anyway.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 05:10 am (UTC)"I don't want a name for something that doesn't need one."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 02:39 pm (UTC)It doesn't need a name because it has, instead...a house key. And that, Vrenille feels, is better. There are sometimes better ways to say things than by naming them.